Thursday, June 11, 2009


What is the meaning of love and how does one truly express such an expression that is not easy to comprehend! See I loved this man since the day I saw him. He was a little taller than me, 5"7 to be exact, dark,very defined features and had such a laid back attitude that it drew me in completely. This man swept me off my feet! The way he danced with me. The electric feeling that ran through my body when he kissed me and it was crazy how safe I felt with his hand on the small of my back as I walked! This man loved God and respected his mother! I'm thinking to myself that this man is the one. The analytical person I am I decided to ask him his take on love before I told him all my heart desired. He told me he did not know the true meaning of love, therefor he has not been in love nor does he currently think that he loves me but he deeply cares for me. One word. Damn! Love is the foundation of all good and evil things, true. So he calls everyday just to hear my voice because he cares and not loves. Invests in our future because he cares. I see, but at what time does this turn into love. When did I care for you turn into I deeply care for you and into I love you. Three words that most people die and have never heard those words said to them! Were they happy,functional,and were they able to give the love they never received? One must think what is the meaning of love and how do express such an emotion that can not be explained nor comprehend! The word love bring nothing more than question that go unanswered. You tell me what your take on love?

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

My Heart.....

My heart can't take anymore of this pain, any more of this dimming light. As the fire burns out I think of all the good times and everything that made me love you. Its as simple as just the way you stood. Head high, broad shoulders, pure confidence..... Attraction at its best! What happened in between that time when I was your queen, your best friend, your companion. Now I'm reduced to not even your friend. My heart, my every emotion is wrapped in you! You and I are not more and I have to admit that my foundation is shaken and my sense of security is gone. What do I do with my spare time that was once spent with you and how do I feel the void of where you used to be. My heart, my heart, my heart is calling out your name and waiting for you to mend the pieces back together. I am in such excoriating pain and as the tears fall down my cheeks, all I have are the memories of you and the feeling of how you felt the last time we touched, we kissed, we danced, we just were.... Time seemed to stand still the day you walked out of my life and it hasn't moved since! I'm starting to feel numb, to feel nothing due to lack of emotions such as happiness and love. Secluded, cold and lonely! I can no longer remember your warmth and I can't see tomorrow. Nor the dreams and goals I once had. My heart, my heart, my heart is crying for help and my soul is dying. I'm consumed by the lost of you and forgot about me. I have forgotten how to live and to survive! Who am I and where is my sense of self. Afraid of the openness of light, I stand in darkness withdrawn from society. The agony of moving forward! So I wait and accompany misery. I wait and lose everything! I wait and there is no me! Just my heart that gave up...

Saturday, June 6, 2009


Fear is one of the most power emotions! Fear is an emotion that God did not instill in us but that we formulated on our own with the devils help. We allow this feeling to consume our lives and paralyze our actions. We all have experience fear at one point in time but most of us live in constant fear.It makes us less willing to trust, to communicate openly, and to take risks, that could forever change our lives. Because I was afraid of rejection I didn't approach the guy I was feeling and tell him that I found him attractive and I want to get to know him. I was afraid of losing my boyfriend so I lied about the situation in question. I was afraid of what people would think so I didn't do what was best for me. I was afraid so I did not apply to the school that best fits my needs.
The fear of rejection,hurt,and obstacles are the direct cause to our failures. Fear is an emotional response to threats and danger. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of pain. We fear what will be the result and don't think about the restrictions we on ourselves. What are you afraid of ? Can you overcome that fear? Have you asked God for his strength and courage? Do that today and see the difference!
Dear God I am afraid to let people get close and to express how I feel about them. I am afraid to keep loving and caring because I have been very hurt in the past. I am afraid that at times it is hard for me to forgive and forget. So at this moment God I need you to be present in my heart and for you to show me how to extinguish this fear and to live my life forthrightly and full of zeal. At one time i was afraid to say what i was afraid of. But the closer I get to you the less I stand in my own way! Amen

Deuteronomy 31:6
“Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, not be afraid...for the
Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee,
nor forsake thee.”